MOVE
Monday, May 22 // 10:52 AM

in the interest of all things, im gna move t another site fer maybe a week or a month or sth. PM me on friendster or msn me or email me. all the necessary contact information can be found on the right ===>

this blog has served me through quite a bit. 3 relationships, 2 years, 1 heartbreak and 1 heartbroken.

so byebye fer now i guess.





Saturday, May 20 // 11:25 PM

the words form, booklike into sentences phrased with hopeful past tense, in my head. hopeful in that i look at it from a disconcerted distance. they wont ever be written out, because ive got terrible short term memory. yup, bow down and call me a goldfish.

i broke my one meal a day diet, and felt terrible. treated myself to dinner at coffee club at rendevouz hotel because i thought i needed it. ah fuck, suddenly the words to make this poetic even jst tactful dont come.

i asked aloy if he knew tht being alone makes your problems engulf, threaten to consume you. but in company they seem to fade into background noise. im going to concentrate on solid things; fingers, legs, smiles, the spaces between words and the breaks between paragraphs.

tomorrow, the musky scent of warm attraction, grass, and wine will enchant. and devastate.




self loafing. yes, loafing
Friday, May 19 // 3:05 AM

wot reasons do i have to give?
the reasons that i gave seem suffice in my own head. in lazy longing pursuit for my own happiness, it gives the semblance of selfishness enough. i jst want to be happy. and i wasnt.
the feelings changed. wot can you do with feelings? you asked me t wait and see if it comes back, but i know they wldnt. not like that. you asked me t give you a second chance right there, on the spot. but when i said if it happens later on, it happens, and i cldnt give you the chance now, you told me that you wld never date me again. that im not a good girlfriend. fuck, i know that im not. i broke up w you so you didnt have t suffer even longer. and that i didnt have t break your heart slowly.

it wasnt a choice for the right, but there wasnt one this case. more like the lesser evil.

i dont need t be judged, but its still gg t happen.

let me ask YOU, yes whoever is reading this, YOU. are you happy? and how do you deal with it if the answer is of the negative? anyway and everyway is not smart. so, am i smart abt this joyless procession of life? no.

oh good god, this is so FUCKING depressing. how fucking ironic.




mack the knife
Tuesday, May 16 // 12:50 AM

hungry and tired.

and all the reasons put force, are but sugar tissue at this very point, heretofore my trojan horse.

& we hemmed, hawwed, loved, lost (something of ourselves along the way).
so wot can be left if the guise is gone? it cld be a lilly or a dafa-dafa-dilly. but i think none of the above.

dont interrupt me when im connecting with you on spider string, lover.


Adolescence, then, is a curious station on the route from ignorant communion to our ultimate isolation, the place where words and silences reveal themselves to be meaningful and yet where, too young to acknowledge that we cannot gauge their meaning, we imagine it for ourselves and behave as if we understood. Only with the passage of years, wearied, do we resort to asking. With the inadequacy of asking and the inadequacy of replies comes the realization that what we thought we understood bears no relation to what existsm the way, seeing the film of a book we have read, we are aghast to find the hereine a strapping blonde when we pictured her all these years a small brunette; and her house, which we envisaged so clearly and quaintly on the edge of a purple moor, a vast unfamiliar pile of rubble with all its rooms out of order.
- The Last Life, Claire Messud.




of pontzs and clowns
Friday, May 12 // 2:21 PM

as you can see from the difference in present date (above) and the date of the last entry (below), i havent blogged fer quite a bit. whether it was lack of time or inspiration or well lack of interesting things t talk about, i jst didnt and cldnt bring myself to enter "publish post".

even now after so long and so many things have happened,its not the lack of things to say, but rather the lack of words to say them with.

have been reading The Last Life by Claire Messud.
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its pretty good, but ive been her pimp, pushing and leaving her in various men('s bags).

clubbed butterfactory wed and gotham thurs. spsd t be either at coco (ashley's)or at mdm wongs (alex's) tonight but in all actuality, id rather see singapore gaga. my ribs cant take much more dancing.

and whoever said year three was a breeze ought to be shot. cos its not. 5 capsules for radio heatwave, and one fer live DAB broadcast, and half an hr drama/docu. and tts jst fer radio. imc sucks like a slut and photojourn seems cool but the makeup lessons might screw my "working" schedule up.

my birthday was aite, spent in good company. terence (the darling) got me a holga!
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and these are the kind of images it takes.

gallant males take my cake. im glad i have a few such people in my life. [: uh huh, thats you!

uh huh this my shit. yea tts abt it fer now.




upskirt and downblouse
Wednesday, April 26 // 12:16 AM

its smacks off goodbye once again, except this was a close ended (). so i know. yea i goddamn know. and i dun get why im so emotional abt this, cos its not like the relationship meant tt much t me. i guess its the demise of a friendship, and the forced lack of respect for wot we've been through, for&with each other.

im so sorry. i guess this is ______. (insert appropriate word)

hello you,
its me, adriana. i like cats and most animals really. well, the furry ones at very least. nice to meet you. would you like to take me to naples? or perhaps fly me to the moon if you could afford the airfare, for i simply cldnt.


and i think tt it blinks crimson. you know? HAHA, the pen tt turns into a flashlight.
im so godfuckingfarsakenly tired.

MAKE ME LAUGH DAMMIT. i need some deep thought, or read some so i cld perhaps absorb some of it. it might shed like cat hair on a cardigan. but it all just depresses me. the words that appear dont take physical form. who know, it might be more truthful.




the bird brained bastards
Sunday, April 23 // 11:47 PM

heyyyy,hoooo,heyyyyy,hoooo.
well, i had fun last night at coco (surprisingly! cos i dun have many good coco experiences). and everyone got pretty high at some point of the night and mad moves and smooth grooves got us even higher. coco ended at 3 and we decided to walk to eat. ended up at butterfactory for a while (free!)and im a big sorry t frank fer saying his hair wasnt nice!

saw ashley yesterday who i havent seen in soooo long. shes looking damnnnn hot! wooot! and everyone looked good yesterday, maybe it was me or maybe it was jst tt im so fat tt everyone jst looks better t me than me. gwen looked great, and she liked my hair and i liked hers more. sarah lost weight and she looked hotttt. oh and of course kesh was on fire. btw, kudos for the great party kesh! and omgOMG this is big news. CASANDRA WONG SHA NA msged me (FIRST) and i WENT OUT with her. LIKE WTF SIA!

ad omfgomfg we're year three darlings! WOW! i can still remember orientation. gosh! and samsam and i OGLing fer the newcomers. damn tts fast.

well tomorrow its IS, so tts no biggie cos its so damn slack and besides tt i have ethan, cas, zat, n terence in both classes and jerome in one.

:D fucking A. (i still dun wna go back, im jst trying t be happy. although photojourn sounds cool. eurghhhhh schhhhooool.)




happiness is a warm gun